Cahoots
by Comix and Co
Summary: This is what happens when Hermione Granger gets caught sneaking back after meeting up with her secret boyfriend late at night. It's not fun to jump to conclusions... Apart from this time, when it was hilarious. Written for RosemarieBelikov. Contains HG/DM


Cahoots

**A/N:**** Here it is, RosmarieBelikov, the one-shot you get for being my 49th reviewer! I hope you enjoy it. I hope anybody else reading it enjoys it as well.**

Silently, Hermione slipped through the Gryffindor common room after whispering the password to the Fat Lady. She scanned the room before entering, making sure nobody was there to catch her out and... Slammed into something invisible, and then fell down with a clatter, hitting her head. The Invisibility Cloak of Harry Potter slipped of said wizards body, Ron Weasley and his sister Ginny appearing behind him. They looked down at their frizzy haired friend, shocked at her being out so late.

"Hermione?" Ron gasped, as I said, he was shocked. Like the other two. "What are you doing still up?"

"What are you?" She returned, rubbing her head, "Ow."

"We're going to that Hogsmeade party." Ginny admitted sheepishly. "It's a really big deal. So we were going to sneak out under Harry's invisibility cloak."

"Why didn't you invite me?" Hermione asked, hurt. Normally the boys would invite her to do anything, and everything, just to keep them in check.

"Because we didn't think you were the type to go sneaking around after curfew." Harry replied, eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Although, apparently, it seems you are. Why were you sneaking around, Hermione?"

"Um..." A bead of sweat gathered on Hermione Granger's forehead. What she had been doing, she couldn't possibly tell them. It had all started at the start of the year, when, because Dumbledore wanted some inter-house co-operation, she had been partnered up to do patrols with Draco Malfoy. At first, she had despised working with him, he was, after all, a foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach. But around Christmas, she had realised they actually had a few similarities (for example: They had friends who weren't as smart as them), and one thing had lead to another... Now, as they were all nearing the end of the year, Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy were going out. Secretly. Secretly being the operative word there. Nobody, not even their closest, most dim-witted friends knew. They met every week during their patrols... Lets just say they didn't patrol. Except for this night. It wasn't their patrol that night, yet there they had been, meeting up.

"I was... patrolling?" She screwed her eyes up in hope they would think the lie true.

"Liar!" Ron exclaimed, "It's my patrol tonight! I asked Parkinson to cover for me!"

"You what?" Hermione gasped, "Ron!"

"I'm not the one sneaking around the castle-" He paused as Hermione silently reminded him what he was doing down the common room with a patronising stare. "Well I'm not! I'm sneaking round the common room."

"So if you weren't patrolling, what were you doing?" Ginny asked wonderingly. All was silent for a moment before Harry jumped and put his hand up into the air. "What's wrong?"  
>"I have pins and needles." Harry told her, "but also, I know what's going on here!"<p>

"You do?" Hermione squeaked. This was it. Her life was over.

"You're secretly meeting up with one of the Hufflepuff's to help them with their transfiguration!" Harry accused triumphantly, smiling... um... triumphantly, I guess. Hermione's mouth frowned in confusion. "Um... No?" Harry's smile faltered a bit. "A Gryffindor then? No... she wouldn't have to sneak out if it was a Gryffindor... A Ravenclaw? No... Ravenclaw's are smart nobody needs to help them... Then it must be... A Slytherin!" Harry pointed at her dramatically. "YOU'RE IN KAHOOTS WITH A SLYTHERIN!"

"What?" Hermione blanched. Ron gasped, a more dramatic action then Harry's pointing.

"So it's true! I never would have thought it of you Hermione!" He turned away from her dramatically.

"What the?" Hermione's brow furrowed. Ginny shuddered in realization.

"Unless..." She gave a very pregnant pause. "Unless it's Harry whose been in cahoots with someone! Namely Snape!"

"What?" Ron turned and stared at Harry. "Why would you do something like this Harry? I thought we were friends!"

"Why indeed Ron," Ginny smiled darkly, "I think it's to get a high grade in Potions. We all know Harry wants to be an Auror, but he's not that good at Potions. So, to get a high grade, he'd have to be in cahoots with the Potions Teacher, Severus Snape!"

"Or perhaps it's you, Ginny!" Harry rounded on Ginny, "I saw you smile darkly! It's YOU whose been in cahoots with somebody, probably Snape, and then you tried to frame me by taking my locks of hair when we were making out and disguising yourself as me when you helped Snape, then made your accusation towards me!"

"NO!" Ron wailed, "MY OWN SISTER!"

"What's going on down here? It's 1 in the morning!" Neville Longbottom, dragging his teddy along behind him, appeared at the top of the boys dormitory stairs. Ron turned to him, face aghast.

"It was Neville!" He howled like a lunatic. "He's been framing us all! He's probably using the Impeius curse on all of us to frame ourselves and turn us against each other! How could you Neville?"  
>"What?" Neville wondered, thourally confused by it all.<p>

"You know what, I bet he's working for You-Know-Who!" Ron threw his arm dramatically and hit Hermione on the head, where she fell onto the floor again.

"Ow."

"You mean Voldemort?" Harry questioned, ushering Neville down the stairs.

"Don't say his name!" Ron snapped. "Actually, it's not Neville! It wasn't Neville who was in Cahoots with You-Know-Who, it was you Harry!" Neville and Ginny gasped. Hermione started groaning in pain from her head. "I bet this whole thing was a sham! You killing Voldemort, it was probably you who killed Cedric! And that Ministry worker who I can't remember the name to! I know it all know! I know Harry!" And he started to launch into his explanation.

"Your father wasn't James Potter, was it? No! And your mother wasn't Lily Evans! They just thought you were theirs! You were actually the child of Andrea Lestrange, Rodolphus's long lost sister, and Lord Volde- I'm not going to say his name. But the Potter's kidnapped you, didn't they! So you killed them! And poor, naive Dumbledore thought your precious daddy had killed them, didn't he? So he sent you to live with the Dursley's! And you were brought up like this! But, then in second year... The Chamber of Secrets was opened and you finally knew the truth! The truth about Andrea and your father, who you really were! And you decided to punish those who made you live a lie! I bet Dumbledore will die next year, and you'll be found at the scene of the crime! You're a stinky thieving turncoat!" Ron exclaimed, hyperventilating on lack of breath. Hermione sat up and surveyed the scene.

"Ron!" Harry cried, walking towards his friend slowly, "Why would you even think something like that Ron?"

"I found it on the internet." Ron admitted, shrugging.

"AHA!" Ginny exclaimed, "A confession! Neville, will you do the honours?"

"You're the cahooter, Ron!" Neville honoured. "You knew, didn't you, that the only way to get what you saw in the Mirror of Erised was by killing everyone else! So you looked it up on the internet and found that thing you just said!"

"Yes, Ron, and you pretended to be Harry's friend! You manipulated us and set this whole thing up!" Ginny spat. Next to come down was Lavender Brown.

"Shut up you lot!" She yelled, throwing a pillow at them all.

"IT WAS LAVENDER!" Cried Ginny, pointing at the her. "Lavender is in cahoots! I bet you she is! She set all this up and that pillow is full of explosives!" They all stared at the unmoving pillow and jumped behind one of the many red sofa's. Hermione was still sitting in the centre of the room. "RON! SAVE THE NERD!" Ron jumped up and dragged Hermione behind the sofa.

"Nerd?" Hermione snapped, "I am NOT a nerd!"  
>"Mione, you've read Hogwarts: A History 900 times." Harry pointed out.<p>

"Hardly!" Hermione snapped, then looked down. "It's been 1,000,003 times."

"Shh!" Ginny hissed, "The bomb is going to go off any second now! It will be more affective if there's quiet beforehand." For three whole minutes they sat silently, Lavender still standing stroppily up at the top of the girls stairs. On the fourth minute, Lavender had had enough.

"JUST GIVE IT UP YOU HIPPOGRIFFS!" She yelled stroppily. "I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE ON ABOUT, AND I NEED MY BEAUTY SLEEP!"

"She's right," Harry nodded, "Come down here, Lavender. We can't be sure WHO the cahooter of Gryffindor is." Lavender walked down the stairs, before Harry raised his wand at her. "If Lavender is your real name! I bet you were the cahooter, Lavender, and your trying to cover up your trail by being cranky!"

"I'm not the cahooter! I bet it's Ron!"

"We've been over this! I'm not!"  
>"You are!"<p>

"I'm not!"

"Yes you are! You stole the cookies from the cookie jar as well!"  
>"Not me!"<br>"Then who?"

"NEVILLE!"  
>"NO!"<br>"YES!"  
>"NO!"<br>"NO!"  
>"YES! YES!"<p>

"IT CAN'T BE!"

"NEVILLE'S A SQUIB HE CAN'T BE THE KAHOOTER!"

"I AGREE WITH YOU, GINNY!"  
>"IT WAS HARRY, I'M SURE!"<br>"I DISAGREE WITH YOU, GINNY!"  
>"SHUT UP!" Hermione screamed, "NOBODY IS KAHOOTING WITH ANYBODY!"<br>"Then what's going on, Hermione? You tell us!" Ginny pleaded, "Please! It's killing me!"  
>"I'm going out with Draco Malfoy!" Hermione admitted rushfully, even though that wasn't really a word. She then covered her mouth with her hands.<p>

"You're WHAT?" Ron shrieked. Hermione gave a lopsided, guilty smile.

"I said I'm going out with Draco Malfoy."

**A/N:**** And there we have it. Did you guys like? Was it funny enough to be in the humour section? Don't forget to review, and I'd love it if you all read my other story as well, Hermione Voldemort's Daughter.**

**Comix**


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